Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five
Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five
Lying here on the bed made me feel vulnerable before him, but I didn’t trust myself to stand without getting dizzy. I stared up into those beautiful eyes–so beautiful that, for a moment, I wanted to forget everything that went wrong and just hold him close… No,
I shove the thought away.
“It didn’t look that way to me. You told me that you’ve found a new life, one I wasn’t part of–it seemed to me that you’d meant exactly what you said.”
“I thought I could start over–I wanted to leave it all behind. But I couldn’t. Not because of the pack but because of you. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t let you go.”
“And those women?” I asked, unable to keep the jealousy from my tone.
“I thought using them would help me get over you. But it didn’t.”
“It hurts knowing you were with others. I know we weren’t mated anymore, but I just thought…” My voice faltered. I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. “I can’t do this right now. Just leave.”
“Not this time. I’m not leaving this time, Kaida.”
My eyes met his. “I blame you Alexander. I blame you for Aric’s death. If you had arrived sooner, he wouldn’t have died. He died saving my life–I should have been the one dead.”
Of course, I knew how much he wanted Aric dead, and perhaps this was an added bonus for him, but Aric was a good person, and he didn’t deserve to die that way.
“You’re right. He would have still been alive if I’d come earlier.”
“Then why didn’t you? Did you need one last taste of your new life‘ before letting it go?”
He was silent for a few seconds, guilt written all over his face. Good. He should feel guilty. I still remembered how indifferent he had been when I told him I had almost been killed.
“A few hours after you left, something happened. That’s when I realized my wolf was back–but what I didn’t expect was to be stuck in my wolf form. For days, I knew there was something I had to do, somewhere I needed to be, but my wolf was in complete control.”
“Your wolf is back? How is that… How is that possible?”
“I don’t know either. But with my father, I figured it was because he was a Lycan. This? No damn clue.”
I was happy for him; with his wolf back, he was complete and…
“That’s why you came back.” I said realization finally dawning on me. “You’d never have come back without your wolf, would you?” I asked.
“Kaida, you were the only one on my mind. Leaving you and this pack was a cowardly move; I should never have left.”
“I’m sorry.” I finally say.
“You have nothing to be sorry for; I, on the other hand, keep messing things up.”
No, I do. Aric’s death wasn’t your fault. I just… I feel unworthy, like I don’t deserve to live while he dies. I am not any better than him; why do I get to live and he has to die in my stead? It just feels so… unfair.”
Alexander’s expression tightened, like he was envisioning it all all over again.
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+25 BONUS
Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five
“I was so close when I heard your cry. That sound… it broke me.” His voice dipped lower. “I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you, and I won’t ask you to. But don’t push me away. I know I don’t deserve you–but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
“But we’re no longer mates. What if I had taken your advice and, like any ‘big girl‘ would, moved on?” I threw his own words back at him.
Alexander came closer, sitting beside me on the bed.
I tried to steady my racing heart, but it refused to settle. His scent was calming–rich, deep, undeniably him.
“That would be very unfortunate.” He said, silently; he seemed to have taken my words seriously. “Because I’m planning to fight for you, no matter how long it takes.”
“Good,” I whispered. His gaze locked onto mine, his eyes silently asking for permission. I must have given it because, in the next breath, his lips were on mine–soft at first, slow and searching, then rougher, needier. His tongue explored my mouth, and a low, satisfied sound rumbled from his chest.
I felt heat pulling between my legs; despite the pain I was in, my arms still circled around his neck, drawing him closer. His eyes glowed; he was not fully in control; stopping would be wise; I was still healing, but I couldn’t.
Somewhere in there, he found the restraint and finally pulled away.
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, staring at me like he could see something I couldn’t. I was covered in scars and cuts; I couldn’t exactly find anything beautiful about me right now, but when he looks at me, he makes me feel special.
“Alexander. I never moved on… I couldn’t.”
He claimed my lips again, drawing a soft moan from me. His hands trailed beneath the loose blue gown I wore… but then, just as suddenly, he pulled away.
“Why did you stop?”
“You need to heal,” he said, his voice strained. I could tell he was holding back for my sake.
